Warming Up To Cold Sex – 5 Ways To Jump-Start Your Sex Life

As human beings, we are naturally inclined to seek connections and desire intimacy in our relationships. Sex can play a significant role in building intimacy. In the course of researching PLAY & JOY lubes, we have encountered numerous couples who have struggled with intimacy, including those in sexless marriages, which is a common occurrence.

There can be a range of reasons for a lack of sexual activity, which can involve mental, emotional, and physical challenges, or a combination of all three. If both partners are comfortable with the frequency of sex, there is no issue. However, the real problem arises when one partner wants sex while the other does not, resulting in a discrepancy in desire between the two.

Problems often arise when people do not openly communicate about the sex they wish to have, either because they are unsure how to bring up the topic or are unwilling to do so. This lack of honest communication frequently leads to mismatched expectations and unfulfilled needs. When the partner who desires sex more frequently initiates and is consistently rejected, they may begin to feel personally rejected and may eventually stop initiating due to the fear of continued rejection.

Sex in a loving relationship involves giving and receiving pleasure, intimacy, and trust. It is a fundamental human need and a way of demonstrating mutual care for one’s partner. When it disappears, it can have a deep impact and lead to feelings of grief. Rather than ignoring the issue, here are five ways to reignite your sex life.

 

1 / Effective and transparent communication.

Effective and transparent communication may seem straightforward, but it can be challenging to execute, even with those closest to us. It requires vulnerability and trust in our partner to be there for us and accept us for who we are, with all of our needs and desires. However, it’s crucial to have these discussions, so gather the courage to speak up about your feelings on the frequency of intimacy in your relationship. Often, the partner with a lower sex drive may not realize the hurt and rejection caused by a lack of physical intimacy.

Talk about how much you miss the physical expression of love in your relationship and how it can be painful or embarrassing to feel that your partner is not interested in being close to you. Remember that sex is an important aspect of a relationship. On a positive note, try to recall a memorable sexual experience with your partner. Sometimes, a lack of intimacy can be due to a lack of enjoyable memories, so try to remember a specific time when you and your partner had great sex. Think about all the details of that experience – where it happened, how you both felt, how it all began, the kisses, the smells, the tastes, the feel of your partner’s hands and lips on your body. Savoring these details can help to change your mood and improve your body’s physical response.

 

2 / Take action. Eliminate excuses and put in the effort.

If you’re the partner with a lower libido, sometimes it’s necessary to just go for it in order to feel desire. If you’re not in the mood, you can still touch, kiss, and pleasure your partner in other ways – masturbation or oral sex are options that don’t require penetrative sex. If your sex life has stalled for a while, rather than setting a high goal of intense sex right away, try committing to small steps to build it up slowly. Consider what one small thing you can both do easily to start. It’s often the case that when couples are not having sex, they also don’t touch or kiss as much. So try starting with a gentle cuddle during bedtime, a hug when you come home from work, or a kiss when you leave home.

Kissing activates the same pleasure centers in the brain as sexual activity. Therefore, kissing frequently precedes sex and is an important part of foreplay, as well as a sensual activity that can revive intimacy and closeness.

 

3 / Find ways to reignite the flame.

One of the main reasons couples have a sexless relationship is because sex has become routine, boring, and predictable. Just like we would get sick of eating the same food every day, no matter how delicious it is, we need variety in our sex life to create anticipation and excitement.

You don’t have to go all out with BDSM if you’ve only ever done vanilla sex. Sometimes, mixing things up a little is enough to reignite the flame. But first, try to clear your schedules of any distractions such as chores, kids, and work.

Put the kids to bed early or hire a babysitter so you can have time to yourselves. Let the dishes stay in the sink for one day and put off that email until after you’ve had an amazing sexual experience.

Watch a sexy movie together – it doesn’t have to be porn! Films like “The Secretary” or “Two Moon Junction” can create sexual tension that will get you hot and heavy. Remember the moves that used to turn each other on, try out new techniques, or even introduce toys to spice things up. Variety really is the spice of life!

 

4 / Addressing physical challenges.

As we age, our libido and physical abilities may change. A healthy and fit body is necessary for good sex, as it requires a certain level of physical endurance. If one or both partners have slowed down or want more action in the bedroom, it may be helpful to undergo a physical evaluation and start an exercise routine to improve muscle strength and stamina.

If physical fitness isn’t the issue, but rather physical limitations such as difficulty secreting lubrication for women or maintaining an erection for men, there are options available. If you have trouble getting wet enough during sex, using personal lubrication can greatly improve the experience. If you’re shy about discussing the use of lube, discreet lubrication in the form of capsules that can be inserted into the vagina or rectum before sex can be a good option. These capsules will melt slowly to release lubricant, creating the appearance of natural lubrication during foreplay.

For men who experience premature ejaculation, delay sprays containing natural ingredients that desensitize the penis and improve blood circulation can help to delay ejaculation and maintain an erection for longer. In more severe cases, speaking with a doctor and obtaining a prescription for Viagra may be helpful.

 

5 / Keep working at it! Put your newfound knowledge into action.

Dealing with a sexless relationship, whether you’re married or not, is never easy. Rather than letting tension and resentment build up over time, actively reach out to your partner and express your feelings in a loving way before you start to feel rejected or unattractive, which can lead to shutting down or turning away. If your partner is open with you about their needs, remain open-minded, respectful, and receptive to their emotional and physical needs.

If you’ve tried out the suggestions provided and have seen an improvement in your sex life, don’t stop there! The more sex you have, the more you will want. There’s science behind it – having sex allows your body to produce more sexual hormones that can remind you that you enjoy sex and want to do it more often. On the other hand, the longer you go without sex, the more you may feel disinterested in it, and the happy memories may start to fade away. Don’t let the flames of desire die out – sex is the best aphrodisiac!